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12/31/16 Once a pair of wood ducks grew old together.
12/29/15 Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
12/26/15 Once the Department of Homeland Security was finally compelled to raise the gasbag threat level to "IMMINENT."
12/28/14 Once a bubble took itself very seriously.
12/31/13 Once a glutton for life dreamed of swallowing the whole world.
12/29/13 Once a scorpion experienced a moment of compassion.
12/28/13 Once a potato thought it heard a voice.
12/27/13 Once the Spirit and the Flesh were forced to undergo relationship counseling.
12/26/13 Once a trilobite had the distinct feeling it was being watched.
12/23/13 Once there was considerable uncertainty about the exact location of "Harm's Way."
12/21/13 Once great flocks of hornswoggles swept out from their swamp, and the rest is history.
12/19/13 Once an immense green fungus, Campaignaria greenbackae, spread across the land.
12/15/13 Once a hallucination sensed the good times were coming to an end.
12/13/13 Once topiary animals took the shears to themselves.
01/01/13 Once a newborn struggled with post-partum depression.
12/31/12 Once a radioactive isotope couldn't wait to reach the end of its first half-life.
12/28/12 Once a cicada emerged from seventeen years underground to find little had changed.
12/26/12 Once cut-out dolls took over a social networking site.
12/22/12 Once a brood of little chickies fell in love with the sound of their own voices.
12/20/12 Once dots chafed at all the efforts made to connect them.
12/18/12 Once a barnacle weighed the moral pros and cons of moving on.
10/21/12 Once Pinocchio was determined to ride his gift for wooden mendacity all the way to the top of the political pile.
10/05/12 Once drones lawyered up by the thousands.
09/23/12 Once a pawn tried to size up the board.
09/18/12 Once a chicken and an egg nearly came to blows over which should go first.
12/30/11 Once an immortal seriously considered calling it quits.
12/26/11 Once a bloodhound lost its sense of smell.
12/23/11 Once a mudskipper got bogged down.
12/19/11 Once a sardine was feeling kind of lonesome.
12/16/11 Once a horse leapt the fence and ran up and down the land.
12/10/11 Once a Big Lie considered demanding equal time.
09/18/11 Once a country mouse found itself the envy of a city mouse.
08/29/11 Once a jellyfish got caught in the riptides of the mind.
08/12/11 Once a corpse in a wildly popular "Bodies Exhibition" had some things to say about the crowd before it.
07/27/11 Once a wacko fell right off the ceiling.
12/28/10 Once a foxhound began to have second thoughts about chasing the fox.
02/08/10 Once an aardvark was set on writing a book.
12/19/09 Once a withered tree was having some trouble looking on the brighter side of life.
10/10/09 Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
09/20/09 Once "the great god Pan" rolled over and declared, "I'm not dead yet, folks. Not quite."
08/08/09 Once Hercules awoke in a sweat.
07/19/09 Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
07/06/09 Once large parts of the globe fell victim to flesh-eating bacteria.
06/14/09 Once a molehill came to fear it might not reach its full potential.
06/01/09 Once a possum came to understand how difficult it is to appear dim.
05/20/09 Once a Gene fell victim to identity theft.
05/12/09 Once the Zeitgeist felt a bit confused.
05/04/09 Once a stone wondered whether it should say something.
04/27/09 Once a civet cat worried about body odor.
04/21/09 Once a rattler stayed out in the sun too long.
04/05/09 Once a metronome hypnotized itself.
03/29/09 Once a pushmi-pullyu was invited to appear on public television.
03/20/09 Once Jonathan Swift tried out for a stand-up comedy show.
03/08/09 Once a scab signed a seven-figure book deal.
03/01/09 Once a badger had a drug problem.
02/19/09 Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
02/03/09 Once quicksand demanded a bonus. And a big one.
01/27/09 Once wearing your heart upon your sleeve was all the rage.
01/18/09 Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
01/11/09 Once an ol' cowpoke finally sidled outta town.
01/04/09 Once laughter was the only thing that kept a body going.
12/27/08 Once the last Neanderthal looked out from the mouth of a cave, lost in thought.
12/17/08 Once a dung beetle had intimations of immortality.
12/07/08 Once a free spirit stubbed its toe.
11/27/08 Once a robot created an artificial human being.
11/18/08 Once a snowflake was told there had never been a snowflake like it. Ever.
11/09/08 Once a pelican was arrested for shoplifting.
11/01/08 Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
10/12/08 a Once fruit fly developed a short-lived interest in genealogy.
9/28/08 Once a raccoon was determined to wash its hands of everything.
9/21/08 Once a tree fell in the forest when nobody was around to hear.
9/14/08 Once the Seven Deadly Sins formed a support group to buck up their spirits.
9/07/08 Once "time immemorial" ran out.
8/31/08 Once a crow sat on a branch and contemplated the condition of man.
8/24/08 Once a salmon broke the surface of the water and kept right on going.
8/18/08 Once a whale beached itself in a furniture showroom recliner.
8/10/08 Once a lone wolf found itself longing for the company of strangers.
8/03/08 Once the Hydra noticed its heads were growing smaller and disappearing one after another.
7/27/08 Once a navel started gazing back.
7/21/08 Once a snake tried to pull on each of its discarded skins again, all the way back to the year of its birth.
7/13/08 Once a pride of lions gathered at a much-touted restaurant called "Top of the Food Chain."
7/06/08 Once it was proposed the question mark be declared obsolete.
6/29/08 Once an old goat nearly overdosed on Viagra.
6/23/08 Once a vulture learned to feel good about itself.
6/15/08 Once a hare felt the need to win at all costs.
6/08/08 Once a monkey took up the painting of horses.
5/25/08 Once reports came in that a misanthrope had been spotted on the outskirts of town.
5/18/08 Once a praying mantis excelled at conducting grief-andvictim interviews on TV.
5/11/08 Once Nero thought about making a comeback.
5/04/08 Once Narcissus decided to step back from his pond.
4/27/08 Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
4/13/08 Once fear went on holiday.
4/06/08 Once a warbler couldn't get a song out of its head.
3/30/08 Once a flock of swifts struck a wall at high speed.
3/23/08 Once it was suggested that runaway populations of entrepreneurs be culled.
3/16/08 Once a guinea pig couple received a shocking letter from the fertility clinic.
3/09/08 Once a mink tried on a sable coat.
3/01/08 Once a bug threw itself at a windshield with gusto.
2/24/08 Once a rooster missed the dawn.
2/17/08 Once a Doppelgänger wondered what it would be like if . . .
2/10/08 Once a lemming went online to get a life.
2/03/08 Once a glob of mud reflected on its state.
1/27/08 Once a gingerbread man became enamored of its own shape.
1/20/08 Once the Sphinx just got tired of it all.
1/13/08 Once the bumblebees of this world (Bombus republicanorum) were flying high.
1/13/08 Once a Pusillanimus democratius got stuck in the mud.
1/06/08 Once the good citizens of Delphi decided they’d had enough of Aesop.
12/30/07 Once an octogenarian hesitated over the last entry in a crossword puzzle.
12/23/07 Once a spider set to work on its last web of the year.
12/16/07 Once an old dog decided there wasn't much point in learning new tricks.
12/09/07 Once an elephant longed to stop remembering.
12/02/07 Once a missing link chose to ignore the scientific evidence.
11/25/07 Once the Slough of Despond wondered how it was going to get through the rest of the day.
11/18/07 Once a shaggy dog spent every afternoon retracing the path it had taken that morning and collecting any tufts of its fur to be found.
11/11/07 Once a weak ego signed up for the trial offer of a home gym.
11/04/07 Once a swan turned into an ugly duckling.
10/28/07 Once a migratory bird stopped by the local travel agency.
10/21/07 Once a panther was well aware of the spell it cast over all who came to the zoo.
10/14/07 Once a boa constrictor made no excuses for being enamored of itself.
10/07/07 Onca a leaf had a premonition of fall.
09/30/07 Once an ophthalmologist had some good news and some bad news for a dragonfly.
09/23/07 Once it was thought the dodo had died out.
09/16/07 Once somebody failed to clean out the lint trap at the bottom of a black hole.
09/09/07 Once a hummingbird worried about its personal space.
09/02/07 Once a sanctamander cut off its own tail.
08/26/07 Once a vegetable slipped into a persistent human state.
08/18/07 Once the Chimera had a difficult time filling out the compatibility profile of an online matchmaking service.
08/11/07 Once old Dobbin the workhorse considered the vicissitudes of life.
08/04/07 Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
07/29/07 Once a porcupine went in for body piercing in a big way.
07/21/07 Once a great nation adopted petrified wood as its symbol.
07/15/07 Once the larks agreed to give up their free and happy ways.
07/07/07 Once the rich really did manage to squeeze through the eye of a needle.
07/01/07 Once a sacred cow worried about its fan base.
06/24/07 Once a stem cell was asked to make a choice.
06/17/07 Once a gnat was invited to join a political focus group.
06/10/07 Once Orpheus tried to reconstruct exactly what happened.
06/02/07 a Once xenophobe showed up in the nation's blood supply.
05/26/07 Once some beavers got together to build a dam.
05/20/07 Once a goose declared it had a mission to accomplish.
05/13/07 Once a slice of Swiss cheese had a thought.
05/06/07 Once a homing pigeon lost its sense of direction.
04/29/07 Once the Environmental Protection Agency sent out skunks to investigate a big stink in the land.
04/23/07 Once Congress moved to outlaw the goring of one's own ox.
04/15/07 Once a shark suffered from bleeding gums.
04/08/07 Once a roadrunner feared it was running out of road.
04/01/07 Once a fatted calf suspected something might be up.
03/27/07 Once the nation's rumor mills came very close to violating EPA guidelines.
03/19/07 Once a set of lawn dwarfs seized control of a grand estate.
03/13/07 Once an ersatz found itself in everybody's thoughts.
03/04/07 Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a leading political figure. (repodcast)
02/25/07 Once, determined to improve lackluster ratings, a cable news and opinion show signed up two gargoyles.
02/16/07 Once all creatures great and small demanded anonymity before speaking to the press.
02/06/07 Once a leopard declared it had changed its spots.
01/29/07 Once a squid was assigned the task of inking out passages in top secret documents scheduled for declassification.
01/17/07 Once a bevy of little twittering birds sat on a wire.
01/08/07 Once a hawk had trouble maintaining eye contact.
12/28/06 Once a tortoise realized its time was drawing nigh.
12/18/06 Once a parrot became a bird of renown by mimicking others.
12/09/06 Once a poodle took up ballroom dancing.
11/27/06 Once a chipmunk looked down when it should have looked up.
11/15/06 Once a clam aspired to being an oyster.
11/04/06 Once Attila the Hun applied for a position in the administration.
10/25/06 Once a crony grew so fat its perch threatened to give way.
10/17/06 Once Pavlov's Dogs nearly died from acute dehydration.
10/07/06 Once a satyr set himself up as a lifestyle coach.
09/27/06 Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
09/19/06 Once a phoenix considered having itself embalmed.
09/09/07 Once a pair of cuckoos worried about their parenting skills. (podcast)
Once a pair of cuckoos worried about their parenting skills. (NPR Archives audio)
09/02/06 Once an amoeba went to a psychotherapist.
08/24/06 Once a camel called its agent in a panic.
08/17/06 Once a butterfly fell in love with a moth. (podcast)
Once a butterfly fell in love with a moth. (NPR Archives audio)
08/08/06 Once an ephemera, the creature of a day, thought it had all the time in the world.
07/28/06 Once Icarus went for a swim.
07/10/06 Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial strategy.
07/03/06 Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
06/26/06 Once the jackals developed attitude.
06/15/06 Once all the crabs signed a contract of amorous intent.
06/07/06 Once it was widely believed prunes grew on trees.
05/24/06 Once a bogeyman got rather winded.
05/15/06 Once a cat read the obituary on its eighth life.
05/08/06 Once a flock of buzzards became the star attraction at a felony trial.
04/30/06 Once a chameleon found it could change the color of anything it touched.
04/22/06 Once a pig had mixed feelings about the heart valve it was about to donate to an ailing human.
04/16/06 Once a gazelle found itself in a state of suspended animation.
04/09/06 Once a rhinoceros noticed it had a bruise.
04/02/06 Once a very large think tank sprang a leak.
03/27/06 Once anthropologists discovered a primitive tribe whose members wore nothing but pieces of their children’s skin.
03/20/06 Once a rubber chicken began to fret that it lacked gravitas.
03/15/06 Once a bullfrog was urged by many to become their guru.
03/09/06 Once an ostrich and an emu chanced to lay eyes on one another.
02/26/06 Once a mole and an owl shared a soul.
02/17/06 Once a pack of wolves won a defense contract to howl at the moon.
02/08/06 Once booklice ate their way right through a display copy of the Constitution.
02/01/06 Once it was proposed that jack-in-the-boxes be held accountable for their actions.
01/28/06 Once Prometheus investigated the merits of canned heat.
12/31/05 Once a pack rat resolved to make a little list.
12/24/05 Once a caterpillar reached the edge of a leaf and paused to consider what might lie ahead.
12/19/05 Once a hamster took an animal rights group to court.
12/03/05 Once a bull opened a china shop.
12/07/05 Once cows went mad, certifiably mad.
11/29/05 Once a bear attracted quite a following in faith-based wrestling.
11/26/05 Once a mosquito landed a job waiting tables.
11/22/05 Once a pit bull refused to go for the throat of every other dog in the world.
11/19/05 Once two troops of lowland buffoons squared off on a patch of ground where the Halls of Congress now stand.
11/15/05 Once a booby and a loon were hired to host a talk-radio show.
11/11/05 Once an armadillo came across a tattered tabloid with the headline "Psychic Warns, World to End!!!"
11/08/05 Once a monitor lizard came to wield considerable influence at a leading health maintenance organization.
11/04/05 Once it was proposed that the White House and both wings of the Capitol building be equipped with rubber-lined rooms.
11/01/05 Once an ant and a grasshopper crossed paths after being out of touch for years.
10/28/05 Once the Minotaur decided to take its labyrinth with it wherever it went.
10/21/05 Once a beast-within spent a lot of time licking its wounds.
10/18/05 Once a bloatosaurus was invited to advise the government on energy policy.
11/13/05 Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a leading political figure.
10/07/05 Once a leech almost bled to death.
10/01/05 Once a lab rat had a pre-existing condition.
09/29/05 Once the scapegoat was hunted nearly to extinction.
09/24/05 Once rogue sycophants roamed the land.
09/21/05 Once a sheep rented a wolf suit.
09/15/05 Once the wisest judges in the land decided to cut Solomon in half.
09/11/05 Once a bald eagle found itself turned into a gas-filled parade blimp.
09/08/05 Once a thick smug spread from sea to shining sea.
09/02/05 Once a sunflower lost its bearings during a total eclipse.
08/31/05 Once a tapeworm readied itself for the latest stop on its motivational speaking tour.
08/27/05 Once a unicorn lost its horn trying to make a career change.
08/23/05 Once blind men undertook to fabricate an elephant out of a wall, a spear, a snake, a tree, a fan, and a rope.
08/21/05 Once the milk of human kindness curdled and turned sour.
Copyright © 2004-2016 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage