The "moral" or "lesson" of each tale is left to the reader to decide.
Scroll through the opening lines and select highlighted text to read a tale in full.
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Once an amoeba visited a psychotherapist.
Once a beast-within spent a lot of time licking its wounds.
Once a bird of paradise answered a personal ad in a highbrow singles magazine.
Once a boa constrictor made no excuses for being enamored of itself.
Once a butterfly fell in love with a moth.
Once the Chimera had a difficult time filling out the compatibility profile of an online matchmaking service.
Once a clam aspired to being an oyster.
Once all the crabs signed a contract of amorous intent.
Once an octogenarian hesitated over the last entry in a crossword puzzle.
Once a pair of cuckoos worried about their parenting skills.
Once a Doppelgänger wondered what it would be like if . . .
Once a dormouse dreamed of winning the lottery.
Once an elephant longed to stop remembering.
Once a fish found itself out of water.
Once a foxhound began to have second thoughts about chasing the fox.
Once a fruit fly became obsessed with genealogy.
Once a gazelle found itself in a state of suspended animation.
Once a gene fell victim to identity theft.
Once a grub listened to its inner child.
Once a hare felt the need to win at all costs.
Once there was considerable uncertainty about the exact location of "Harm's Way."
Once Hercules awoke in a sweat.
Once a homing pigeon lost its sense of direction.
Once a hummingbird worried about its personal space.
Once a radioactive isotope couldn't wait to reach the end of its first half-life.
Once the jackals developed attitude.
Once a jellyfish got caught in the riptides of the mind.
Once a lemming went online to get a life.
Once a lone wolf found itself longing for the company of others.
Once a mink tried on a sable coat.
Once the Minotaur decided to take its labyrinth with it wherever it went.
Once a molehill came to fear it might not reach its full potential.
Once Narcissus decided to step back from his pond.
Once a navel started gazing back.
Once the last Neanderthal looked out from the mouth of a cave, lost in thought.
Once a night crawler was tracked down by the thought police.
Once an old dog decided there wasn't much point in learning new tricks.
Once Orpheus tried to reconstruct exactly what happened.
Once an ostrich and an emu chanced to lay eyes on one another.
Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
Once a porcupine went in for body piercing in a big way.
Once a proboscis monkey went to a plastic surgeon.
Once a raccoon was determined to wash its hands of everything.
Once a rhinoceros noticed it had a bruise.
Once a roadrunner feared it was running out of road.
Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
Once a shaggy dog spent every afternoon retracing the path it had taken that morningand collecting any tufts of its fur to be found.
Once a sheep rented a wolf suit.
Once a slug suffered from severe stress.
Once a snake tried to pull on each of its discarded skins again, all the way back to the year of its birth.
Once a squirrel took an animal rights group to court.
Once a snowflake was told there had never been a snowflake like it. Ever.
Once a swan turned into an ugly duckling.
Once a tapeworm readied itself for the latest stop on its motivational speaking tour.
Once topiary animals took the shears to themselves.
Once a pair of turtledoves wondered where they'd gone wrong.
Once a vulture learned to feel good about itself.
Once a warbler couldn't get a song out of its head.
Once a weak ego signed up for the trial offer of a home gym.
Once a whale became concerned about the size of the ocean.
Once a pair of wood ducks grew old together.
Once a woodpecker suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Copyright © 2004-2016 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage